Also known as "Sondsquoze" or "Sandsqueeze", this motherfucker is Evan and mines AP Spanish IV teacher. She's the scariest, clenchiest, most nerve-wracking teacher at the fucking school. Nothing about her is really "scary", like a
monster or a ghost or some shit, it's just her overwhelming stream of raw uninhibited apathy that will grab you by the anus and pull you down into the eternal depths of sadness and despair. This fucking spic-ass nigger knows absolutely no sentiment of fellowship or mercy for any living being. Every day when Evan and I go to her class we're hit by that awful feeling of hopelessness and despair, the same feeling you got every time you had to do a presentation in front of the class as a kid. Imagine feeling that shit for two hours. She is the cruellest fucking human being in the world, and when you need her mercy the most, she'll only use your weakened state to crush your soul even more.
Difícil[]
This is basically the word we use to describe the feeling of nervousness and despair every time we do something to invoke the perturbed wrath of the
Sandsqueeze. It translates to "hard" or "difficult", and started with the very first time it happened to either of us. I was sitting in class and she told us to answer like three questions from the textbook and when she called on me to give mine, I guess I didn't answer the right question or something, but she didn't tell me that until she let me sit there and rot for about five minutes trying to defend my shitty answer while she just fucking sat there with that apathetic stare on her face. And when we were finally done, she commented on how long I took and she said "No lo hagas más difícil que lo que sea necesario", which almost directly translates to "don't make it harder than it has to be". To which I replied, "I'M NOT MAKING IT 'DIFICIL', YOU'RE MAKING IT 'DIFICIL'!" and that was basically it. I felt like shit for like two days afterwards. A really similar thing happened to Evan but honestly who gives a shit.
TEMAS[]
"Themes" or "Topics" in English, this motherfucker is the cornerstone of that entire shitstorm. It's a shitty motherfucking collection of bullshit subjects that literally no one gives a shit about. No
one. There's a whole page dedicated to "Los Hipsters" and that's probably the only interesting part of the entire fucking book. Aside from that, we have the fucking audio recordings. That shit's fucking awful. Imagine trying to listen to someone talk to you while they're standing next to a washing machine, holding a power drill, during a plane crash, in a collapsing building in the middle of the ocean while the Andromeda Galaxy collides with ours. You better take notes on it too, or your ass isn't gonna pass the exam. There's also the fucking oral presentations, and basically all those are is: You're given a small article or piece of information and told to talk for two straight fucking minutes about how it relates to both some random spic-ass Latin-American country as well as your own. In addition, we also have the simulated conversations, and I actually kinda like those. They give you a prompt and you have to have a pretend conversation with the computer. We're supposed to take it seriously but all I fucking do is some ghetto-ass cholo impersonation. Shit's fucking retarded
Cast & Crew[]
Aside from Ms. Sandcheeze, this class is full of some pretty fucking retarded people. But I mean thank God they take that class too, otherwise it'd be a shit time.
Evan Brown[]
This motherfucker. He walks into class every day with that same shit-eating grin on his face like he's about to put his dick in some dank hippopotamus pussy. He sits down, shits himself, and just fucking sits there for the rest of the class writing the stupidest fucking shit in broken-ass Spanish. He always has some stupid answer he thinks is the shit but he sounds like a fucking stupid-ass redneck when he tries to say it. In addition to this, he never fucking studies the vocab. This piece of shit will wait till the last fucking minute to try to shove like 40 words he's never heard of before into his gaping anus. I'm honestly amazed that he's even passing the damn class. Stupid motherfucker.
Me[]
I don't really know what to say about myself when it comes to this shit. I enjoyed learning languages prior to this, and I did pretty well I guess. But do you think that shit makes me any more interesting in talking about Peruvian fucking cockroaches? No. That class doesn't teach you anything aside from getting so damn good at bullshitting an opinion that you actually almost believe the stupid shit coming out of your mouth.
Señor Plátano[]
Yeah it means fucking banana get the fuck over it. Do I know why that's his name? No fucking clue. Anyway, this nigger's voice is deeper than Clark's mom's gaping vagina. Every time he gets called on, the whole class' attention is drawn to this fucker as he reads off his answer in his fucking sub-sonic bellowings. I'm actually not entirely sure our ears even pick up the lower frequencies of what he's saying. Imagine a fucking blue whale playing a didgeridoo. I'm not even fucking kidding.
Kreeschan[]
If I have to sit next to this motherfucker one more time I'm getting the bleach. I'm so sick of this fucker's shit. Imagine the most annoying, fabby, coy and pretentious type of twink you possibly can, and make him a 15 year-old mexican who's passion is to dance. I sit next to that shit. Fuck it, I don't even need to explain, I know you feel my pain just reading this stupid shit.
The poster of that one guy on the backdoor of the class[]
He's a pretty cool dude.
Also, El Chavo died. Did you read about that shit? Fucker's dead. He's fucking dead, dude.